Hope Next Exit Playlist

ARTIST	SONG
Shout Out Louds	Impossible
Hot Hot Heat	Bandages
Beastie Boys	Sabotage
Moby	Alice (Radio Edit)
The Sugarhill Gang	Rapper's Delight
Snoop Dogg & Dat Nigga Daz	Gin and Juice
Snoop Dogg	Who Am I (What's My Name)?
Nelly	Country Grammar (Hot...)
The XX	Crystalised
The Duke Spirit	The Step and the Walk
The Apples In Stereo	Dance Floor
Run-DMC	My Adidas
DJ EZ Rock & Rob Base	It Takes Two
3rd Bass	Pop Goes the Weasel
2Pac & Talent	Changes
Broken Bells	The High Road
Broken Bells	The Ghost Inside
The Roots & Cody Chestnutt	The Seed (2.0)
Shout Out Louds	The Comeback
Groove Armada	I See You Baby (Fatboy Slim Radio Edit)
The Raconteurs	Level
Lo Fidelity Allstars	Battle Flag (Feat. Pigeonhead)
Shout Out Louds	Fall Hard
Mark Ronson featuring Kasabian	L.S.F. (Version Revisited)
Neon Trees	Animal
The Temper Trap	Sweet Disposition
The Soft Pack	Answer to Yourself
Radiohead	High and Dry
Queen Latifah	Ladies First
Spoon	I Saw the Light
N.A.S.A.	Gifted (feat. Kanye West, Santigold & Lykke Li)
Beck	Girl
Leona Lewis	Happy
Florence + The Machine	Kiss With a Fist
Michael Jackson	P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)
Digital Underground	The Humpty Dance
Hockey	Learn to Lose
Hockey	Too Fake
The Duke Spirit	Neptune's Call
Citizen Cope & Santana	Son's Gonna Rise
Cage the Elephant	Ain't No Rest for the Wicked
The Charlatans	Blackened Blue Eyes
Groove Armada	Get Down (feat. Stush)
The Charlatans	Weirdo
Portugal The Man	Work All Day
The Chemical Brothers	Galvanize
Cut Chemist	The Audience Is Rural
Company of Thieves	Oscar Wilde
!!! (Chk Chk Chk)	Heart of Hearts
Eminem	Lose Yourself
Dr. Dre	Nuthin' but a "G" Thang
Gorillaz	19-2000 (Soul Child Remix)
Paper Tongues	Dance About It
The Almost	Hands
Jack Peñate	Everything Is New
Max Sedgley	Happy
Snap!	The Power
Run-DMC	Walk This Way
The Big Pink	Dominos
The Bravery	This Is Not the End
She Wants Revenge	All Wound Up
Paper Tongues	Trinity
Infadels	Can't Get Enough
Puscifer	The Mission (M Is for Milla Mix)
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros	40 Day Dream
Portugal The Man	The Home
The Roots	Here I Come
Spinnerette	Ghetto Love
Silversun Pickups	Panic Switch
Black Sheep	The Choice Is Yours
The Duke Spirit	Send a Little Love Token
The Heavy	How You Like Me Now (Single Edit)
Say Hi	Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Beck	E-Pro
The Vines	Get Free
Placebo	For What It's Worth
Phoenix	1901
Nine Inch Nails	Capital G
LCD Soundsystem	Daft Punk Is Playing At My House
Peaches	Talk to Me
Lady Sovereign	Jigsaw
BPT & DM Binxter	Moody (BPT Original Mix Radio Edit)
Dave Matthews Band	Funny the Way It Is
El-P & Aesop Rock	Run the Numbers
Jack Peñate	Be the One
Cage the Elephant	In One Ear
Danger Mouse & Jemini	Ghetto Pop Life
Oasis	Champagne Supernova
Santogold	L.E.S. Artistes
Saul Williams	List of Demands (Reparations)
The Verve	Bittersweet Symphony
Will Smith	Summertime
The Dead Weather	Hang You from the Heavens
Band of Skulls	I Know What I Am
Radiohead	Planet Telex
Lady Sovereign	I Got You Dancing
Naughty By Nature	Hip Hop Hooray
The Cure	Freakshow (Mix 13)
Rage Against the Machine	Renegades of Funk
Beck	Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat
Peter Bjorn and John	Nothing to Worry About
Louis XIV	There's a Traitor In This Room
Working for a Nuclear Free City	Troubled Son
Lords of Acid	Do What You Wanna Do
Billie Holiday	Spreadin' Rhythm Around (Lady Bug vs. Lady Day RR Remix)
Dr. Dre	Let Met Ride
Stereophonics	Maybe Tomorrow (Decade In The Sun Version)
Coldplay	One I Love
Infadels	Universe In Reverse
The Kooks	Do You Wanna (Single Mix)
Dave Matthews Band	Crush
Coldplay	Lost!
MSTRKRFT	Bounce (feat. N.O.R.E.) [Extended Version]
Plump DJs	Shifting Gears
The Kooks	Always Where I Need to Be
El-P & Central Services	Jukie Skate Rock
Poe	Hey Pretty
Freestylers	Don't Stop
Jasper James	It's On
Gorillaz	Stylo (feat. Mos Def & Bobby Womack)
Trona	Smash 'n Go
Freestylers feat. Ragman	Pocketful of Sadness
El-P & Trent Reznor	Flyentology
The Asteroids Galaxy Tour	Around the Bend
Slaughterhouse	The One
Prodigy	Get Up Get Off
Jamiroquai	Feels Just Like It Should
Trick Daddy	Let's Go
Justice	D.A.N.C.E.
Led Zeppelin	Ramble On
Oakenfold featuring Brittany Murphy	Faster Kill Pussycat
Dinah Washington	Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Baby? (Rae and Christian Remix)
The Game & 50 Cent	Westside Story (Clean Version)
Snoop Dogg & Bee Gees	Ups & Downs
Freestylers feat. Ragman, Bad Manner & Ewan O'Brien	Could I Be Dreaming
Quad City DJ's	C'mon N' Ride It (The Train)
De La Soul	Ring Ring Ring (Ha Ha Hey) (UK 7" Version)
B Funk Productions	Disco Rockin'
Yo Majesty	Club Action
Madonna	Ray of Light
The Submarines	You, Me and the Bourgeoisie

April 3rd Coming Quickly - Hope Next Exit Update

Hello everyone. Reaching out as a reminder about April 3rd.

Pretty Please with a S'more on Top RSVP as to whether you are attending or not. We will start getting all the goods this weekend because next week is the actual Team in Training event I am participating in to honor Crea's battle and all the battles lost, won, in progress and yet to come. It has been a tough training season. I missed 5 weeks with what I thought was a stress fracture. As it turns out...no fracture but most likely compartment nerve syndrome. Doc said I could run through it so I did. At first it went away but it has recently come back with a vengeance affecting even my bike. All I can do is give 110% of whatever I have on race day and that is what I will do. Back to the party...man we are going to have a ton of food so please show up hungry. We always planned to buy mass quantities but on top of that restaurants have been very kind to this event. That leaves more money for alcohol so bring your drink on but save some sobriety for making S'mores at the fire pit. No fear if you don't like S'mores as there will be plenty of other amazing desserts.

If you could also let me know if you are bringing children, I would appreciate it. We are trying to make a decision as to bringing a baby sitter to help folks out. Also, if your children have special eating requirements...let us know.

Hope Next Exit - April 3rd + Surgery Update

The party is back on and is scheduled for Saturday, April 3rd. If we are connected on Facebook, you are probably already aware. If we are connected on Twitter and you happened to be online in the 5 minute span I tweeted this, you are probably already aware. If we are not connected via these two means, the dilemma is how to share the news. We have all these amazing technologies to communicate but there are so many of them. As such, my last approach is to create a blog entry to give you the details then go to FB, Twitter, personal email and work email and blast out the link.

Our first attempt at the celebration was postponed and, as it turns out, with good reason. The most important reason was that Crea needed a little more time to heal. I was a little ambitious with wanting to do something for her and failed to take into consideration the party was only 1.5 weeks after major surgery. This shows signs of good husband and bad husband all at the same time. The other reason is that it was pouring when we would have had this celebration. I know many would have battled the weather but it just didn't feel right to Crea and I. The reason we are all to get together feels like a very SUNNY occasion. Sitting inside to avoid the rain did not seem to fit the bill. Personally, if we all sat outside in the rain.....that would fit the bill for me but I am certain I am alone with this thought process.

I can tell I might be slightly long winded here so let me give you the details first:

When: April 3, 2010

Where: 1047 Berkeley Street, Santa Monica (any issues, call my cell at 310.863.9607)

Why: To celebrate a new cancer free life for Crea and the clearing of another hurdle for our family.

Why: To make strides towards finding a cure for Cancer so that one day we no longer need to hear of the losses created by such a horrible disease.

Kids are welcome by the way. If enough interest, we will try to provide a sitter on site and my do some Easter egg hunt to keep the kids entertained (leaving religion out of the hunt in case Easter isn't your thing....just something fun for the kids)

There is an event created on Facebook. Feel free to connect with me (Christopher Wilno) on Facebook and I will officially invite you there or the invite is public so you should be able to find it under the name HOPE NEXT EXIT - CANCER BEATEN . This link might also take you there:

FACEBOOK LINK CLICK HERE

Anyway, by now you probably understand the nature of the party. It is first a celebration and second a fundraiser. I will talk about Crea's procedure briefly below but this party is to honor my wife's second battle with cancer that was won on February 24th. We have an amazing space thanks to our good friends Nick and Jon who have opened their house to us. As a side note, Nick is currently a survivor thanks to the drug Gleevac. We met on a run with Team in Training where I learned after he kicked my butt that he was on this drug that literally saved his life. We will have a lot of food. We will have a lot of drink featuring a stocked bar and bartenders to serve you. If you know me.....there will most definitely be dessert.....a lot of dessert. Later in the evening S'mores will make an appearance at the fire pit outside where pictures must be taken and posted to Facebook and Twitter. In addition to the outside fire pit, there is a great deck on top of the house, a pool room, etc, etc. We will be playing music throughout the house for your listening pleasure. Most importantly, Crea will be there and she will be there cancer free.

The secondary point of this party is an attempt to raise money to fight cancer. All of you know my father passed away from a blood cancer. Crea was next on the target list but cancer lost this battle. On the guest list there are many stories tied to cancer. One of my very good friends has his wife currently battling stage 4 cancer......a battle that currently doesn't portray a happy ending. My good friend is watching his Mom battle non Hodgkin's lymphoma....a blood cancer without a cure. My good friend battled cancer 4 times, won each time, ended up with a weakened heart....had a heart transplant and I stood in Malibu as he crossed the finish line an athlete. The stories go on and on and on and on. Some happy. Some sad. All warranting that we fight on their behalf. So, if you are so inclined, we are suggesting $20 per person at the door. You can give more, you can give less and you certainly do not have to give anything at all. There will be baskets around the house if you want to donate. Nobody will be collecting at the door. WHETHER YOU DONATE OR NOT, PLEASE COME EAT AND DRINK AS MUCH AS YOU WANT AND STAY WITH US FOR THE EVENING. Many of you have already made very generous donations and it is all greatly appreciated. To date, I have raised $15,000 to honor Crea's battle and help fight cancer. Since joining Team in training, I have raised $65,000 to honor Crea, my Dad, my daughter Isabella and all the stories I have heard over the years. I owe all of this to amazing friends and family. I am not creative. I just write letters and emails and you guys respond in an amazing way.........I guess I do train a little too.

Another way to help is to buy raffle tickets which we will have at the party as well. They are $20 each. Currently the plan is to sell 250 tickets and then cut it off for a drawing. Prizes as of now are an HP Media Smart Server, and Acer netbook, an autographed football, Target gift card, Starbucks Gift Card and a Kodak Pocket Video Camera. Some of these items were donated and I bought some of them. That is the skinny on the party. It would mean the world to us if you can make it to celebrate with us. Friends and family were such a part of this journey and we would like to end this segment of the journey (while praying the trip is over) with a bang.

Now to give you some brief details of the day and how it transpired. We arrived at Cedars Sinai at 10am. I should say Crea arrived at 10am. While the hospital is amazing, the parking situation is not so amazing. It took several lots and 30 minutes before I gave up and parked at the Beverly Center and raced back. Shortly after I made it back to Crea we had to head to imaging for an ultrasound of the affected area. The picture at the right is Crea and I waiting for the docs to come for the ultrasound. This ultrasound was to look for the cancerous nodes and nodules and mark a path for the surgeon so he could more easily get to the cancerous area. One approach is to actually inject die in the node but, as it turns out, this was not the chosen path. The approach chosen was to simply mark the skin with X's indicated affected areas.

After a few minutes, the ultrasound was underway. I am not sure but it seemed like I was more nervous than Crea. I am not sure why but I think it stems back to the loss of my daughter. I remember clearly sitting in the hospital while an ultrasound was performed searching for a heartbeat that was never found. Ever since that moment I have not been the biggest fan of the ultrasound. In this instance, however, the ultrasound was serving a great purpose. The doctor was able to find 5 Lymph nodes and/or nodules. One was in the thyroid bed itself and the others were to the right of the bed. One X marked the spot of the nodule in the bed. Two X's marked the beginning and end to the area containing the other 4 nodules. Once we were done here we actually headed over to the waiting room where Crea would be admitted for surgery. I would say the mood was pleasant but tense. Crea is an incredibly strong person........I would say far stronger than I in certain capacities. If she was nervous........she certainly wasn't showing it. Just prior to Crea being called back for surgery we were able to take this next photo. I posted it online so you may have already seen it. You can see the X's that I refer to above. Looks like a tattoo gone bad but a very useful tattoo it was.

At this point, Crea was being prepared for surgery and I was in 'sit and wait' mode. The wait was to see her one last time before going under and to speak with the surgeon clarifying time expectations. While in reality, not much time had passed.......it felt like hours before I was told I could go back and see Crea. She was certainly ready for surgery...in her gown all set up for an IV... which helped bring the reality of everything to further clarity. Crea was still as calm as could be. The surgeon came in. He seemed calm and confident and that was very reassuring. He walked us through details of the procedure and told me that he hoped to be complete with surgery by 4pm and that, if he wasnt complete, he would send somebody out to provide me an update. At this point, it was time to say our 'See You Later's' which we did. I was then off to the Theater of Good News To Come.........which if you follow me on Twitter know is what I call the waiting room. Also if you follow me on Twitter, you know I was not in the theater long for I needed food. I headed to the cafeteria to take in some calories and more importantly kill some time to keep my brain from going on overload. I ate and tweeted. Everyone on Facebook and Twitter were AMAZING!! These guys talked to me all day and helped me get through some tough hours. I like to laugh my way through everything so I doubt my nerves showed in CyberSpace but truthfully, 4pm couldn't come soon enough for me. After food, I went back to the TOGNTC (the theater) where Crea's Mom arrived. I updated her with what I knew and how the day would play out and then sat to do some work. While half of me was offended I was working, the other half was thankful for something to take my mind off things. We were very near month end at work and I took some time to make sure everyone on my team was going to earn their bonus and, if not, figure a way how to get them there. Other than this, I dont remember too much except for some HORRIBLE coffee I drank in the theater. Once 3 o'clock rolled around, I just finished wipin' my car down.........sorry, Summertime by Will Smith just jumped into my head (yes I know it is 6 oclock in the song). Once 3 o'clock rolled around, I just finished .......Damn. I did it again. Okay, at 3pm, it was time to put down the work. I checked out FB and Twitter to kill some time but I was just waiting for the doc. I remember the theater was full of people. I have always said to remember people's names and to know their story. I wondered what stories were in this room. I had met a few folks and wished them all well. I could tell some stories were happy.......some sad.......same as the real world outside the hospital walls.

The clock strikes 3:45 and the surgeon shows up........early!!! I guess I could have assumed early was bad but I took this as a good sign. The surgeon said everything went great. The marks on Crea's neck aided tremendously. He was able to find everything.......although he did find a few more than the five........and he was able to do so without harming the vocal chords which was certainly a risk to the surgery. The other risk was harming a parathyroid gland and he felt confident that all was well related to this. We all have 4 parathyroid glands.........they produce Calcium. Crea had one harmed in her first bout with cancer so she is living with 3....which is fine. If another got harmed........she would still be okay but would be on some heavy doses of vitamins the rest of her life. I remember hopping on my iPhone to tweet the news. I believe I wrote "Cage Match Over - Cancer Beaten" or something similar. Within seconds, I had so many responses from FB and Twitter friends. The support was truly overwhelming. I appreciate you guys so much. Some are friends of many years and some are folks Crea and I have never met. Either way, Crea and I never felt alone through the process and to have everyone share the joy of the moment was incredible!

Anyway more time passed and then Crea's Mom and I were allowed back. Crea will kill me for posting this picture but this was what I walked into. It gets me a little upset even seeing it today. She was so out of it and in pain. Tough to watch when you can not really do too much to help. After some time here, Crea was moved to her own room (we were in post op here) to settle in for the evening. Once there and settled in.........I hate to admit it but I fell asleep for 2 hours while she remained awake. The release of stress from everything being over and having gone well made my eyes extremely heavy. To shorten the story from here, Crea was released the next day. She was very tired and very sore and spent most of her time resting..........and catching up with Lost Season 5 so we can watch the final season together. A week or so later she was back at the doc having her stitches removed. At this appointment we also received the news that 7 nodes/nodules had been removed. Of the seven, six were cancerous. The doc was very confident that he removed it all. This isn't to say it wont come back but the odds of a return keep decreasing as time goes by. Crea is technically considered in remission at this point.

So, that is our story. The next blog will have pictures from the party of people and s'mores. After that this blog will probably head a different direction but stay in the spirit of Good Plus One. I will focus more on running and my experiences with Team in Training, my beliefs that 26.2 miles can change your life and my belief that blessings come from even the worst of times. Until then, I hope to see you at the party!!!!

In case you are not at the party and want to make a donation, you can click on the link at the top left of this blog. If you would rather go directly to my fundraising page, the link to there is as follows: http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/lavatri10/4mywife

Hope Next Exit Celebration Postponed

After much stress and deliberation, we are going to postpone this event until April. This was an incredibly hard decision. I talked with Crea a lot and I sought input from many. Rain or shine we do have an amazing reason to celebrate and I know everyone would have braved the rain. In the end, the space we are using will be very crowded if 80 of us are inside the house. The main reason, however, ties to the fact this is a 'Sunny' occasion that warrants a good day where we are all hanging out and enjoying the deck and the fire pit. We were going to BBQ outside and that would also be challenging. Lastly and most importantly, Crea could use a little more healing time and I am sure she would love her bandages to be off so she can really feel this is all behind her.

I was worried everyone would be upset that we postpone so I really hope you understand and I really hope you can make it when the date is finalized. Your support has been incredible and TRULY has helped us both to date. We still have an amazing reason to celebrate and look forward to doing so with you. We will still have amazing food and an amazing list of drinks at the bar (plus beer and wine of course) with bartenders to actually make them for you, s'mores will make a very special appearance at the fire pit, we will still have a raffle and hopefully we have some amazing weather!

Dates currently being considered are
April 17 - tough day for Crea as she has a 15 hour work day
April 3 - Day before Easter and not sure house is available
April 24th - best date if house is available

Let me know your thoughts. Thanks for understanding. If you want to donate in honor of Crea now, you can get to the link above. In case that doesnt work, you can go straight to the site at http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/lavatri10/4mywife . You can also wait for the party and you also dont have to give at all so please feel NO pressure.

Before I part, a special thanks to Jesyka Lueck who offered up this party as a way to help and offered up her time and the time of her friends to make the party successful. The same thanks goes to Lori Jomsky who jumped in to help make things happen and secured a ton of donations so that we could eat really really well at the party. Thanks to Nick and Jon for opening up their home to all of us for this event.....still waiting for them to let me move into this amazing house and lastly a thanks to Chris Schauble......our favorite NBC morning anchor who got the real scoop on the weather for me so that we could more soundly make this decision. Last thanks goes to my amazing wife Crea for putting up with me, for being my best friend and for being an amazing mother to our children.

We cannot wait to see you guys in April to celebrate a cancer free wife and make strides to a cancer free world!

Hope Next Exit

It has been a long time since my last blog entry...............I think I am averaging an entry per month at this point which is pathetic but life is very hectic where I sit. Things went quickly through the first three doctor visits but then we hit a standstill. I think the reason for this standstill is twofold:

1)There was such a big disparity among the first three surgeons that we were left very confused with how to proceed, and

2)I really believe Crea just needed to get through the Holidays, pushing all of this talk of cancer to the back burner. Christmas time, and the Holidays in general, hold a special place in our hearts. These times are even more incredible with little children so, for the sake of savouring Jaden's 5th Christmas and Thalia's 2nd Christmas, we did not discuss the decision needing resolution. It was also nice to have Tiana around. She is 18 now and off being an adult so I know Crea wanted to just enjoy the moment. It was hard for me but I just let it be.... trusting all would be well.

After the Holidays, we determined to go back to see Dr. Adashek. He was the first surgeon we visited and the one we felt most comfortable with. We returned to see him at Cedars Sinai and informed him that we had been making the rounds getting multiple opinions. His response.....which for me confirmed he was the right surgeon........was to hold a mock roundtable pretending to be the other surgeons. He gave the arguments for their stance on the approach that should be taken concluding that no surgeon was wrong.........it was just a matter of opinion. It was amazing to see him take such a neutral position simply to help us in making our decision.

Shortly after the visit, Crea confirmed she wanted to use Adashek and then we went into a holding pattern waiting for the hospital to confirm a surgery date. When confirmation came back, February 24th was the day..........the day we never thought would be here again.........the day my wife would be operated on to have cancer hopefully for the last time. It is the sequel you never want to experience.

Crea immediately had to make multiple pre-op appointments. The first was with the endocrinologist for a general physical, EKG, chest x-ray, blood work, etc, etc. All went fine with this appointment so it was on to the next which was an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor. This appointment was to evaluate her vocal chords to confirm she was okay for surgery. I was not able to attend this appointment but learned she had to have a small camera inserted up her nose to ultimately help view her throat...........not very pleasant sounding.........and not very pleasant according to my lovely wife. The results again concluded that surgery is a go. On another note, the camera was left in and now she can take photos when she blinks her eyes. Just kidding, of course, but I needed a moment here.

So........here we are. It is February 23rd as I type this entry. My wife is an amazingly strong woman and is holding up very well with less than 24 hours to go. Immediately after confirmation of surgery we shared some tears.............not really ones of fear necessarily.......more sadness that it all has to transpire again. For me, I wish I could do more. I wish I could go in for the surgery on her behalf. I can't and that makes me sad. We are confident that all will go well. Despite 3 very different opinions on the approach for the surgery, all 3 doctors shared the opinion that Crea would come out of all of this just fine. If there is one point I would want them to agree on.........they picked the right one.

We will arrive at the hospital at 10am on February 24th. At 11am there will be an ultrasound to mark the cancer to make life easier for the surgeon during the operation. My wife will also have some machine hooked up to her that alerts the surgeon if he accidentally touches her vocal chords. One of the risks to this surgery ties to harming the vocal chords leaving her forever hoarse. I guess there could be worse outcomes but I can't focus on those. I want my wife to come out on the other side of the surgery cancer free. I want her voice to be unharmed because she has been through so much already and she deserves everything to be fine. For me, I just need my wife.

Thanks for all the support from friends and family. It has been amazing. A special shout out to the Twitter world who have shown kindness to myself (@run2savelives) and my wife (@createrese) when, in the real world, we are virtually strangers. Six months ago, if I was asked if you could have great friends in people you have never met, I surely would have replied it was not possible. Today, there are many people I have never met that I would consider great friends and would go out of my way to help.

I will try to keep folks in the loop on February 24th via Twitter and Facebook. The day will be primarily one of sitting and waiting and hoping and praying. I take comfort knowing I am not in control and believe God will let the day play out according to his plan. I only ask that on February 25th, my wife is home and cancer free.

If you would like to help me honor my wife's battle you can click on the link above or go straight to my Team in Training fundraising page at http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/lavatri10/4mywife .

If you are in Los Angeles on March 6th, I am throwing a party/fundraiser to celebrate a healthy wife and to help raise funds to ensure a cancer free world for our kids or our kid's kids. I am calling the event 'Hope Next Exit'. You can click on the link below to get more information or hook up with me on Facebook

Hope Next Exit - http://www.facebook.com/p.php?i=1049301005&k=Z6AUZ5V2U2TF6BD1QJ3ZUUR2UUIB42YLQPDYF&oid=352347581336

Thanks for reading.

Dr Giuliano and CIM

I know our visit to pursue the approach for Crea's cancer and CIM don't immediately leap out as fit material for the same blog entry but there are some similarities. At CIM, I ended up in the medical tent for a few hours so they both require a trip to the doc. Additionally, since hearing the news of my wife's cancer, most of my runs take me to a place of thinking about her and this race in Sacramento would be no different.

I will first venture to Cedars-Sinai where Crea and I were meeting with Dr. Giuliano. He specializes on thyroid and breast cancer. He operated on my mother in law for breast cancer and was the surgeon that operated on Crea during her first run with cancer in 2004. That surgery happened on November 11, 2004 which was a mere 13 days after my son Jaden was born. We had learned about the cancer in the summer of that year and had the difficult decision of whether to fight the cancer before or after Jaden was born. Humor would lead to surely risk the wife but reality makes things more difficult especially when you have already been to a memorial service for one of your children. We chose to attack the cancer after Jaden was born, which until recently seemed like the right decision. Jaden was healthy. Crea was healthy. That all changed in early November and it is hard not to question our initial decision once the cancer returned. I believe in a life of no regrets, though, and I believe it is really all in God's hands anyway but I am human and some of those human thoughts invade my head from time to time.


I remember both days.....my son being born........and my wife's first surgery very well. I was a train wreck for both. I was the nervous Dad on steroids when Jaden was being born. I had been in that same hospital in Santa Monica 1 year 2.5 months earlier watching nurses search for the heartbeat on my little angel Isabella all to no avail. Now I was back and I was paranoid. Every time the heart rate belt moved and the heart rate stopped showing on the monitors, I called the nurse. They must have readjusted that belt 20 times but they put up with me. I remember the same nurse that had been there for Isabella was back for Jaden. It was as if we were all coming full circle from a very sad day to a very happy one. I also know I wasn't alone in my paranoia because once Jaden was born and his cries were heard there was not a dry eye in the house. They were tears of joy and tears of relief all at the same time. I remember when the OB/GYN, Dr. Gonzales first saw Jaden she cried out "we have a chubby one". She was certainly not exaggerating. He was two weeks early and still over 9 pounds. He was enormous for the first year of his life and could have been on The Biggest Loser Baby Edition. He was amazing though...still is.


Shortly after Jaden was born, we were back in a hospital for Crea's surgery. She was to have her thyroid gland removed and would later receive radiation therapy. I remember thinking the surgery would go quickly and I remember thinking it didn't go quickly. I was pacing and pacing and pacing and worrying and worrying and worrying. Finally, Dr. Giuliano came out. He said everything went well but he did have to take out a few lymph nodes and he removed one parathyroid gland. I remember the 'lymph node' news rattling my brain but I stored it away for future use.......which happens to be when the cancer came back in November 2009. Crea went home and recovered and shortly after the holidays, she received radiation treatment where she was quarantined from all of us for a month....the hardest part of course not being able to hold our new addition.


That was 5 years ago and now we were back with Dr. Giuliano. He came in and talked with us. We shared all the facts. He exuded confidence but not in an arrogant way..........it was actually quite comforting. When he talks, you just feel like everything is going to be okay. Both of the first two surgeons believed we should operate.........with the ability to wait until January/February but not waiting so long as summer. One wanted to go in and remove the lymph nodes we knew were bad and any suspicious looking ones and the other wanted to take out every lymph node. I had expected the search for a surgeon to be more a function of personality and confidence level with the doctors all sharing the same opinion on how to proceed. I had been proven very wrong to date and Dr. Giuliano continued the trend. His opinion..........wait 6 months and do nothing for now. I couldn't believe it. It was yet another extreme. I tell people that if I had to rate the approaches of each surgeon on a scale of 1 to 10, I would give Dr. Adashek a 4, Dr. Yeh a 12 and Dr. Giuliano a 0. All are very good doctors. We are probably in great hands no matter which choice we make but the three different opinions are making this a challenging process.

Dr. Giuliano felt that ultrasounds are not that reliable. He felt the tumors were small at just over 1 centimeter. He, like everyone, says this is a very slow growing cancer (he was a big part of us choosing to wait until after Jaden was born the first time). If you add all of this up, he concludes we wait and let things progress. One side of you wants to rejoice at the news and the other flashes to the doctors who said we should not wait until summer. I believe Dr. Giuliano saw some anxiety in our faces so he offered both an MRI and a biopsy in order to be absolutely certain as to whether we should move forward now or postpone. As of writing this, we really have not made a decision. I am not sure what we are waiting for. Maybe it is the Holidays. Maybe it is some comfort in Dr. Giuliano's words. Maybe it is the hope that some sign will present itself that guides us to the right decision. One sign tried to present itself when Crea was visiting Dr. Singer at UCLA for a running injury she incurred. During that visit, he asked about her general health to which she gave him more info than he bargained for. The 'sign' came when he heard Dr. Giuliano's name mentioned. He went into great detail of how amazing he is which is great when you get such a strong unbiased opinion. Dr. Giulano is very well known for being a great surgeon. His cost seems to go hand and hand with this news but when it comes to times like this, cost really isn't one of the deciding factors. In fact, I am the guy that gains comfort by a higher cost..........kind of like you don't want your sushi to be so inexpensive you worry it is going to be 3 weeks old and result in the removal of your intestine.

For now, we will keep talking about the decision and I am sure an approach will be reached by Crea and I. Truth be told, it is not really my decision. I can only offer my thoughts, my opinions and try to hear the things that perhaps she might have missed. Crea has to be comfortable with the surgeon, the approach and the time frame. She is a bright girl though so I have all the faith in the world she will make a good choice.........she married me after all.

Okay, on to the race. I really try my best during a race to zone out so I am very short with the race recaps. Truthfully, in my perfect race, I do not see a mile marker until mile 16 or so. I pull my visor down and just run. For CIM, I was in great shape. I really did not have a time goal but I did say to a few people that if I finish slower than 3:30, something went horribly wrong. My time was 3:37:07 and yes.......some things went horribly wrong.

The days before the race were uneventful. I arrived in Sacramento on Friday for the Sunday race. I checked into a Marriott Residence Inn a few blocks from the finish line (this is a point to point race) primarily so that I could have a kitchen and eat the foods I always eat. Based on this, I made a trip to Trader Joe’s and bought some pasta and pesto sauce that I and my family eat far too often. We are very busy so pasta always seems to be the economical meal from a time perspective. I went to the Expo on Friday so that I could take it easy on Saturday. I bought some extra warm weather gear because it was supposed to be around 35 degrees at the race start. From this point, I just did some work and chilled out listening to music or watching tv.... there was ton of good football on this weekend.

I do remember feeling a little more nervous than normal. Actually, nervous is probably not the right word. Anxious may be better. One reason was that I had been sick for about two weeks but the main reason I was feeling off was because of all the recent happenings surrounding my wife's cancer. This felt like a much bigger deal than just a race and that is something I preach all the time as a coach for Team in Training..........."Race day is much more than running 26.2 miles and crossing a finish line....it is about all the training, all the hard work, all the lives saved". I don't think I have actually ever run a race just for myself. I don't think I ever will because I have so many motivating factors with my father, Isabella and the many many amazing people I have come to know over the years. There is always something to grab onto and this time it unfortunately happened to be Crea. This time it felt very real and very present. I think it was weighing a little bit on my heart but I can't really be sure.

Anyway, race day came. As usual, not much sleep the night before. Up at 3:30 to fix some breakfast in my Residence Inn kitchen. Same meal as always: 2 packs of oatmeal, 2 balance bars, 1 banana this time and 2 yogurts. I actually took the banana and 1 balance bar to the start with me. The bus picked us up at approximately 5:30am and drove us out to the start. Once we arrived, I just sat on the bus to stay warm. The race didn't start until 7:00am so I had time to spare. At approximately 6:30 I jumped into the bathroom lines and afterwards actually saw some great friends of mine....Todd Weinstein (Mamuute to me), Natalie Weber (Mamuute's fiancé), Brian Raymond and Victor Perkel (Brian's girlfriend’s father and amazingly an Endocrinologist that had thyroid cancer many years prior). It was cool to see them but I quickly went on to my own space to zone out.

6:55 and I check my gear bag. The key point here, which is needed for later, is that in the bag I check was a ton of warm weather gear. A fleece hat. A jacket. Two pairs of arm warmers. All of these things remained in the bag and not on my body. On my body, in this low 30 degree weather was a sleeveless tri top, tri shorts and an Ironman visor. I did actually have on compression socks and I was wearing the ever so popular $2 gloves available at the expo. I sweat so rapidly and do so horrible in the heat that I went light knowing I would heat up quickly.

7:00 - Gun goes off and I go running. As I cross the start line, I say to myself "I Love My Wife." This day is for her and I will give 110% for her. Things are going very well. I am keeping a 7:45ish pace and I feel like I am crawling. I had in my head that this was a very fast course but had been told the first half has a lot of rollers. On these rollers, I eased the pace and, again, was feeling great. I remember thinking this certainly wasn't that fast of a course as we seemed to be going uphill quite a lot. Nothing too steep.........just uphill. There is really only a few more things to mention for the first 18 miles:

1)I threw away those $2 gloves at mile 1.5. My hands were very warm and I didn't want any part of me overheating.........hindsight being 20-20........dumb ass move.

2)I somehow kept seeing every mile marker. I would be zoning out but amazingly would manage to catch the small sign indicating where I was on the course. That was not part of the plan.

3) I do remember crossing the half way point (very obvious point on the course) and thinking I am going to kill this race, pick up the pace and finish between 3:15-3-20.

4)Because of #1, my hands were beyond numb. They were all crooked like some horrible zombie creature and I remember looking around to find myself the only one NOT wearing gloves. Because my hands were so cold, I was not able to get to my food and open it up. I could have stopped and got help but that would require stopping so I pushed forward.

5)I spent all of these 18 miles thinking about various times with Crea........when we met.....dates we had......countries we had traveled to..........the good times........the bad times...........the life we had made with each other. This was how I passed the time and focused on why I was running.

Somewhere between mile 18 and mile 20, things changed abruptly. I began to feel very dizzy. My knees were hurting from the rolling hills but that was nothing that would stop me. I remember hitting a point where I thought if I took a few more steps I would pass out. So, with great sadness, I stopped to walk. I also remember being alarmed because I was not able to walk a straight line. The white haze passed and I started to run again but the haze returned and this really encompassed my road to the finish. Things were getting worse and worse. I stopped my watch and I remember feeling like I was letting my wife down. I knew she didn't care but this race was for her and things immediately stopped going according to plan. I remember turning my GPS watch back on and trying to run 0.25 miles with a 0.05 mile walk in between. You would think this would be easy but it was all I had to make it to the 1/4 mile mark on my watch. I always tell people to run the first 20 miles with your head and the last 6.2 with your heart and I was on all heart at this point. I really don’t remember too much. I remember being bummed at not being able to high five a few of the kids that were standing on the side of the road. That is always a big deal for my son and I know that simple gesture can make a lasting impression on a child but I just couldn't maneuver.

The next thing I really remember is having some women stripping off my clothes in the medical tent. I did not necessarily pass out and apparently had been talking and saying all the right things. It is just all a blur to me. They had taken my temperature and the reading was somewhere near 94 degrees.......which is apparently a little low. They were removing my wet clothes and putting on dry clothes from my gear check bag. Apparently a benefit to being in such bad shape is that they send a runner to get your gear bag (another is the green hat donated by Kaiser to keep me warm....my daughter Thalia looks much better in it than I). I also remember having a straw put in my mouth and being asked to drink. It was hot chicken broth. The first one tasted good but after the 6th and 7th cup, I was done with chicken broth and may be for the rest of my life. I think my temperature was taken about 3 times and it wasn't improving so I kept being given more blankets and I kept moving closer and closer to the heater. I also remember my feet being raised....not sure why but I wanted whoever was doing it to know I was not all that flexible. Those words never came out but I didn't break so I guess all is well. After a long time, I was able to sit up and was escorted to a chair directly in front of the heater. I remember shaking uncontrollably which is very odd for me because I am rarely cold. Just today no less than 5 people came into my office exclaiming "aren't you freezing"....NOPE. It was a couple of hours later that my temperature actually stabilized to a human level. Some blood had been taken that showed I was short on calories as well........no big surprise since I couldn't really open my food. At this point I didn't even know my race time. That is a key point I failed to mention. Shortly after my clothes were stripped, I had to ask if I had a medal because I did not really remember crossing the finish line. The nurses looked into my bag and were happy to report that I had a medal..........I had finished the race!!! I very much look forward to seeing my finish photo to see if there was a blank stare.........did I raise my arms to celebrate.........I have no idea!!

Once out of the med tent, I immediately called my wife. It had been a few hours so I knew she would be freaking out a bit. I am very timely with the calls home so to disappear for a few hours after my expected finish had to be a little nerve racking. I explained the story as best as I recalled. I remember breaking down and crying (not proud of this). I am not sure if it was because I felt like I let Crea down or just a combination of all the events we had been dealing with over the past month. Either way, my wife assured me that a)she was not disappointed b)she was proud of me and c)I would never go to a race on my own again. Time has passed now and I have come to terms with my race at CIM. I know I gave every ounce I had to get to the finish line. It didn't quite produce a time that made me happy but that is the beauty of the marathon and what keeps me coming back and what keeps me coaching others to do the same at Team in Training............on any given day, you can kick the marathon's ass but runner beware because sometimes the marathon just might kick yours. Each and every marathon and the journey to that marathon can change your life, teach you how to be a stronger person, teach that you are capable of anything. As part of Team in Training or any other amazing cause, it can also teach that each and every one of us has the ability to make a difference and change the world. On this particular day in December 2009, the marathon took it to me but I will be back and I will have my revenge.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for all the support you have shown to my family and I. My journey is now to the Lavaman Tri in March which I am competing in on behalf of my wife and her battle. I am doing this as a participant for Team in Training. If you are so inclined you can donate at the link above or you can go directly to my fundraising site at http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/lavatri10/4mywife . Either way, I am very grateful to everyone on this journey.

Doctor Visit Number Two - UCLA

One week after visiting Dr. Adashek at Cedars Sinai, Crea and I found ourselves at UCLA visiting with Dr. Yeh. As I mentioned in the last post, the facts seem to be clear at this point and surgery appears imminent. Because of this, I did not anticipate a lot of new information coming from Dr. Yeh but merely Crea determining who she would be more comfortable with as a surgeon. As is with life and certainly this entire situation, reality was not quite as expected.

We arrived at UCLA and it was immediately a different feel. It was a much bigger facility with a lot more foot traffic so we began the process feeling somewhat part of a herd. I think we both were thinking the small office environment at Cedars with 6 or so chairs in the waiting room was a more inviting setting than the 40 chair waiting room we sat in at UCLA. We were greeted at the receptionist stand friendly enough. Crea handed over a packet of information that she had filled out prior to arrival and was then asked many questions........the answers of which were in this same package Crea had provided. I only mention this because it was very funny to watch my wife deal with the scenario. Crea is truly one of the nicest people I know. She is very caring, very welcoming and very friendly. She was trying to draw on all of these characteristics and hide the tremendous frustration she was feeling at having taken all the time to fill out the forms yet verbally have to respond to the same questions........just prior to each of her answers Crea would kindly point to the packet of information sitting on the desk. To the world, Crea appeared fine. To me, I knew she was boiling which for some reason struck me as funny. I could definitely see a Seinfeld episode coming out of the interaction...Seinfeld, Table for 4?

We were immediately called in to the office and were initially greeted by a student. The paperwork mentioned the possibility of student interaction which I know is vital to training our surgeons of the future but we still found ourselves a little frustrated. Funny enough, Crea was yet again responding to questions to which the answers were contained in the packet of information now residing with our student doc. Dr Yeh ultimately arrived and he had quite a personality. Dr. Yeh actually was a self referral for Crea and we were very unprepared. Crea didn't bring a lot of the medical records so we put the Dr. Yeh in the awkward position of having to rely on conversation. Funny enough, one of the papers we did have with us was from the recent blood tests which he noted were processed at a USC Lab. His comment was that the USC Lab is one of the best in the country for this type of test but he still managed to sneak in......."as much as it pains me to say that"........I love USC haters so we have to score one for Dr. Yeh at this point.

We walked Dr. Yeh through the entire history....cancer diagnosis while pregnant, surgery in 2004, radiation in 2005 and all the recent findings. He is very thorough but would definitely be a good addition to the Seinfeld episode. Add to this episode the fact that we were really not sure the proper protocol for getting the opinion of a second surgeon. Do we mention the prior visit? Would it offend Dr. Yeh? Were we committing medical adultery against Dr. Adashek? We were not sure so we remained silent on the topic. We just presented the facts and must have appeared to be medical geniuses with some of the questions we asked.

Dr. Yeh walked us through the evidence based theories on why to operate or why 'not' to operate. He said because of the suppressed growth, Crea might live to be 85 and die of a heart attack if we do nothing. He gave extreme examples where you would probably not operate on the 80 year old in bad health in which surgery posts many complications and you would clearly operate on the 19 year old in good health (minus the cancer) that could clearly tolerate surgery and has a long life yet to live. Enter Seinfeld as Dr. Yeh began to say that Crea is somewhere in the middle of very old and 19 (risky direction here) but then recovered to say she was clearly closer to the 19 year old scenario which would lean towards surgery.

After much discussion, Dr. Yeh wanted to perform his own ultrasound. He actually insists on this so he can see the issues with his own eyes and draw his own conclusions. It is this ultrasound where things started to turn a little south from expectations. The outcome of the new ultrasound was actually the discovery of 3 more cancerous lymph nodes bringing the total identified up to 6. While the doctor was very clear to say this discovery does not change the fact that Crea will be okay, I found the news to be a little disheartening. Maybe 'disheartening' is not the right word. I am confident Crea will be okay but the knowledge that cancer is inside my wife is frightening thus the fact that more cancer is inside my wife than originally thought is even more frightening. I think the other issue is that as a husband, I feel helpless. I can not cure my wife. I can just get my arms around things and try to comfort the situation. When the facts change, it is hard to get to stable ground.

At the end of the ultrasound, Dr. Yeh showed us the pictures he captured. Unlike the ultrasounds I am used to seeing, there was no beating heart of a baby. Instead we had to look at pockets of cancer inside my wife's neck. It is not a lot of fun coming face to face with your nemesis but that is what it felt like. I was staring into the eyes of cancer and it was not a pretty sight. Dr. Yeh then drew a diagram so we could understand where the cancer is in relation to Crea. It is all contained in the right side of her neck. Some is fairly close to the original scar and some is extended a little farther out to the side. From this news, I asked the question as to whether the original entry into Crea's neck could be utilized. Please note I could care less about the scar, where it is or how big it is. I know my wife cares which is why I asked the question. I never even notice her current scar and I doubt others do either....unless they too have had thyroid surgery and are sensitive to the process (kind of like you never notice so many Honda Elements until you actually buy one and then thousands are on the very street you live on).

My question lead to the final detour from expectations. Dr. Yeh has a more aggressive approach and believes in taking out many of the lymph nodes in the area where the cancer exists. His analogy was that if one house in the area is on fire, remove all the houses in the zip code. He presented two scenarios. One was to extend the surgery both upwards and outwards which would remove multiple sections of lymph nodes from the entire right side of Crea's neck. The second scenario was to slightly extend the current scar and take out 2-3 sections of lymph nodes. He ultimately settled on the second scenario because of data which indicates the cancer does not tend to invade the upper section of the neck. Either approach seems more aggressive than Dr. Adashek who believed you go in and get as many lymph nodes that have cancer or look suspicious. Which approach is correct.............I wish I knew the answer but all of this information sent my brain into overload.

-why didn't the first ultrasound catch all of the cancerous nodes?
-would Dr. Adashek have done his own ultrasound to find the additional cancer and should I care?
-if no additional ultrasound was done, would the additional cancer have been found during surgery and, if not, what would the consequences be?
-Dr. Yeh said surgery could wait until January/February but again seemed to indicate not waiting too long. Why? If earlier we were told Crea could live to 85 and die of a heart attack, what is the rush?
-Dr. Yeh said there is a 1% chance of harming the vocal chords during surgery leaving Crea hoarse for the rest of her life. I asked about his personal history and he said it was consistent with the 1%. Dr. Adashek said his history was zero..........why the difference? Is it the aggressive versus non aggressive approach?
-Dr. Yeh would want to examine the vocal chords prior to surgery. I don't remember this being mentioned in the first visit.
-If you go with a less aggressive approach now, and more lymph nodes become cancerous at a later date, is the next surgery more risky due to scar tissue from what is now two operations?

All things to think about. All things that invade my thoughts throughout the day. I am sure both surgeons are fantastic. Maybe there is no wrong choice here but my wife is involved and I just want her to be okay. I want the cancer out and to stay out. I want my wife to know she is beautiful with or without a scar and I want a cure for cancer. That can not happen without all of us committing to making it happen. I am certainly not skilled enough to find the cure but I can run and I can bike and I can sort of swim. I need your help though on this little journey my family finds itself on. I am committed to raising $10,000. For my wife, I will raise at least that much. If you can help with a donation, please click on the link above. If the link is not working, you can go directly to my site at http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/lavatri10/4mywife . If you are not in a position to donate, I completely understand and am grateful for your taking the time to read my long winded words.